October 2000
Hello again, and welcome to the October newsletter.
We've been drinking the midnight oil and have managed to squeeze
it out between returning from a couple of weeks in Spain, and Tom
and Christine departing on honeymoon, so it may be a bit sparser
than usual. If you get to the back page and notice it's all in a
24-point font, you'll know why. By now you've probably heard that
Marky has gone off to get a real job, and is plying his old trade
in sunny Livingston. Tom and Christine are off on Honeymoon to Fiji
and NZ from October 29, for a month and Brendan's off to NZ for
a couple of months as well, departing on 18 November. Colin and
Carolyn will be keeping the school running, and the newest member
of the PE team, Pam, will be looking after the shop. She's a nice
young lass, so come in and say hello, and remember guys, the more
you spend, the more impressed by your devil-may-care attitude she'll
be. A new service this year is the Christmas list, similar to a
wedding list but with stuff from the shop - just fax, phone or email
what you want, send the family round and we'll help them prove just
how much they really love you.
Idiots Plan Christmas Soiree
Having mentioned the "C" word, the Christmas party will follow
the same successful formula as previous years, fancy dress, buffet,
too much drink, and the hilarious consequences. The venue is the
same, but the Physician and Firkin is now called The Crags. It's
still on Dalkeith Rd, though. This year the theme is Bad Taste,
and the date is December 9, 8pm at The Crags. Give us a call on
the I can be grosser than you hotline, 0700 078 2589, and
tell us you'll be there, or get tickets from the shop for £6.
This covers the grub.
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Christine & Tom would like to thank
everyone for their kind messages, gifts or just good wishes. We're
just sorry we can't invite everyone along to our big day. See you
in December, fat, brown and oversexed - just as normal really.
New Pub for Club
We're
swapping pubs again. This is because we all think the staff at the
Waiting Room are a bunch of rude bastards, so we're off to the Royal
Ettrick Hotel. It's on the corner of Ettrick Rd and Polwarth Terrace,
and is open 'til 1am. The change over should have been in effect
from 13 September, so if you've been at the Waiting Room on your
own for the last couple of weeks, this'll be why. Hopefully we'll
be at this one for a few years.
Another Tandem Rating
Congratulations to last years British Champion and
XC league winner, Steve Senior, and Katy, who by now are wedlocked.
How long before there are junior Seniors, we wonder.
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Winter Wednesday Waffle
We're looking for more folks who would be
interested in standing in front of a group of smelly, obnoxious,
semi-pissed paraglider pilots, on a Wednesday night, and entertaining
them with 45 - 60 minutes of slides, vids or whatever else you're
able to produce. The topic doesn't have to be flying related, so
call the Instant Fame Hotline 0700 078 2589 and we'll arrange a
date. We'll be starting this from mid January. And don't think you'll
wriggle out of it this time, dwarf.
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New Stuff
Being the smoothly operating,
highly efficient team that we are, we just got new stock in that we saw
at a toy fair in January. There are wind-up teeth, called Jabber Jaws,
(£5) 3 different types of kit robots, (£35- £45) 10 different
"Bags of Science" kits that include volcanoes, prop driven cars and making
kites, (£5) books of cut out and fly aircraft and dragons, (£6) and solar
powered car kits - perfect for those lovely winter days and just
£19.95. There's also colour in kites, including the crayons, parachuting
Teddy Bear kites, Hang Glider kites and ready to fly hot air balloons.
The robot kits take about 1 ½ - 2 hrs to put together, and are controlled
by sound or infra-red light. Then they scuttle about the floor eating
batteries and scaring the cat. We've got a new video in as well, made
by flying legend Toni Bender. Riding the Wind tells the tale of
his 160-mile flight across the Alps, via the top of the Marmolada, to
land outside his favourite pizzeria in Bassano. You could show this to
your earthling friends, and they would have a good understanding of paragliding
when it's finished. He uses computer graphics, and speeded up film to
show how clouds form, and it's all spliced together with the flying so
you don't get bored with the techie bits. It's 52 minutes long, and at
£20 it's much cheaper than going and flying it yourself. We'll be showing
this film one Wednesday night in the New Year. We also have a rocket kit
that you can while away the winter hours building; it has a bundle of
bits that go together to make the rocket, a launch pad and best of all,
an ignition system with a flashing red light. You need a few basic tools
and some motors to blast it off with, but it's good clean fun and costs
just £24.95
New Clothes
We have this
season's new Oakley range in, with T's, Fleeces and Technical Jackets,
and another new brand for us, Weird Fish. This is a range of heavy cotton
casual gear, and to remind you that summer has gone at last; we also have
some rather obnoxious Hawaiian shirts. These will arouse comment everywhere
you go. Another good product we're getting in spring is the Keela Castaway
jacket, which is as waterproof/breathable as the excellent Munro, but
½ the weight at 480gm.
Dirtsurfers - New Craze Makes Micro-Scooters Look Naff
 Remember
that alpine holiday you spent last year, effortlessly carving your way
down the piste on your snowboard? Or maybe the surfing you tried when
you were in Bali caught your fancy, but the freezing reality of the North
Sea has kept you on dry land. Well, now there's a new way to capture the
feeling, and you can ride it anywhere there's a hill and some gravity.
The Dirtsurfer is the answer to snowboarders' and surfers' dreams - a
board you can ride almost anywhere, anytime. Developed by a couple of
aussie surfers who wanted something to ride when the surf wasn't switched
on, the Dirtsurfer is easy to learn, and seriously addictive. It's controlled
in the same way as a snowboard or surfboard, by weight shift, and to make
the learning process a little less bloody, a bicycle brake can be mounted
on the rear wheel. The Dirtsurfer can be ridden on grassy slopes, preferably
smooth with short (2-3 inches) grass, where you can practise smoothly
linked, carving turns, or on tar where you tend to hang on tight and enjoy
the speed. Priced from £289, the Dirtsurfer costs about the same as a
snowboard, but can be used more - an hour or two after work, commuting,
or weekends - the best part is you don't have to get up at an ungodly
hour and drive for three hours to a ski field full of slush and 45 minute
queues. Naturally, the buzz doesn't come without risk, and we recommend
wrist, elbow and kneepads, as well as a helmet. The Dirtsurfer comes with
a warning (on the bottom where you can't see it) that says, "Do not purchase
unless you are prepared to be injured at some time". Is that cool, or
what?
Magazine Exchange
Big thanks to Stevie Codpiece, Charlie Fyfe, and Russell Leaper,
who have donated their surplus Skywings issues to us. We now have
a surplus ourselves, so if you have a few gaps in your collection,
we may have the ones you need, or if you have only been flying for
a short time and want to read more about it, we could swap these
for other mags you may have. We'll take just about anything that
you think flyers would be interested in. No copies of Pig Producers
Monthly or Steam Enthusiast thanks, and no porky mags as our own
collection is pretty complete. Flying related stuff, National Geographic
or foreign flying magazines will all be appreciated. The resulting
pile will find it's way to the Parapente Ecosse Library, to be enjoyed
by all who want to fill in some time when they should be doing something
constructive. Bear in mind that any "unusual" publications will
have the donator's name emblazoned across the front, so check your
donation pile carefully
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SPANISH FLY
This year's autumn trip was shorter than usual, due to marriage
and shop commitments, but when we finally got flyable weather it
was good for a few days. We flew 8/14 days, which is slightly above
the average of the last 3 years. We stayed at Dom and Yvette's poolside
paradise, and suffered the usual gourmet cooking and G&T ordeal.
We also went to Terra Mitica, a theme park near Benidorm that has
to be one of the better ways to spend a blown out day. They've got
everything from roller coasters and a 54-metre free fall, to chair-o-planes
and a very good 3D stage show. We all went home with sore heads
from grinning too much. Other highlights included watching our budding
sky gods thermalling, watching 5 fireworks displays at once from
Dom's verandah, and Emily laughing so much she threw up. We'll be
off again in spring, so if you fancy a few days in the sun with
a bit of flying thrown in, get in touch.
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Pre-nuptial Antics - As Expected, Guys Act Responsibly, Girls Too Rowdy
 The
weekend of 21st of October was the last, glorious outburst of fun, frivolity
and friendship for Tom, and Christine, before they settle down to wedded
bliss as TomnChristine. On the Friday night, there was a rather sophisticated
soiree at the Belfry, where the blokes all got almost as pissed as the
owner, Peter. Anybody who's willing to misbehave like that in his own
pub must be worthy of our support Then we took our Billy-Bob teeth to
Allan's club in the Cowgate where they had been put on the guest list,
and were given a couple of bottles of bubbly. Not surprisingly, lots of
nice young ladies avoided us. On Saturday, Christine and a bunch of her
friends went out and painted the town lilac, after being spoken to about
their behaviour several times they all headed off to Allan's club, Loka,
as well. On Saturday the blokes headed off for a recovery lunch at the
Gordon Arms hotel, then on to the cottage on the track at Mendick where
a keg of beer had been waiting patiently for a few days. We filled in
the afternoon with Dirtsurfing, which some folk got the hang of incredibly
quickly, (we'll show you how to stop properly when you're all healed,
Alan) and kite buggy races down the hill, (thanks for the Quob bike, Quobby)
then after firing a small rocket (kits available at the shop!) some hardy
souls went up the hill and flew down to the landing/rotor zone by the
house. By this time darkness was rearing it's wonderful head, so we started
the bonfire and cooked some food, after a fireworks display that had all
the locals talking in the pub the next day. Things get a bit hazy then,
but some of the funnier bits were: trying to get the fire at the right
cooking heat, and getting it right half
the time, the screaming firework in the fire (an accident, honest) buggy
races down the hill and tows up with the Quob bike, (sorry about the finger,
Tom) the baked bean can in the fire, (intentional/messy) the bunnies drinking
big John's pint, and then replacing it for him, (it was really me, John)
the chimney of the cottage smoking frantically until the birds nest burnt
away, the Rum and Dr Pepper mix, gazing at Saturn through Ulric's telescope
- I could go on for ages. Hamish the farmer and his lovely lady Susan
came along for a visit as well and the next day, after we'd staggered
about like stunned mullets for 3-4 hours, we went and had a shot on his
grass carts.
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Left- Stevie lights the BBQ
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These were developed
as the most efficient form of applying cow poo to humans, but coincidentally
are lots of fun to drive round grassy fields. We were blessed with good
weather, and Hamish's
generosity, and also the Quob bike - we couldn't have racked up the tally
of injuries without it. After another slap up feed at the Gordon Arms,
we all went our aching, separate ways, knowing
that the wedding will be even better.
PS. We just heard Alan Douglas managed to break his scapula - well done
Alan. PPS. If you want lessons, come and see us.
Site News
Hillend Horror! More Money Demanded.
We managed to put the last newsletter out without mentioning Hillend,
which made a nice change - it's as tedious to read about it, as
it is write about it, we're sure. However, it's that time of year
when we have to ask for £5 again. If you know you're going to fly
there, how about doing us a favour and getting a cheque in to us
by 31/1/01? Make it payable to Swanston Farm, and if you pay it
after 31/1/01, it will cost you £10. We introduced the extra £5
to try and prod people into paying by the end of January. That way
we don't waste any more time and materials than is necessary - it
costs us time and money to make those cards you get. Please don't
send your cheque directly to the farmer, as some dickhead did last
year, along with a snotty letter saying they didn't think they should
pay to fly a country park. The farmer wasn't very impressed with
receiving the letter, and we are now one step closer to a pissed
off farmer because of this person's actions. All the farmer has
to do is write to ATC and ask them not to give permission to fly
off his land. The farmer doesn't get any money from the council
for the use of his land; the site fees from the flyers are basically
his holiday spending money. Every day a student of ours flies there,
we pay a site fee of £2 for that student, and people are welcome
to come and look at our records concerning this. It doesn't bother
us if people don't want to stump up their hard earned £5, but if
you don't want to pay, please don't fly there. The site rules for
this BHPA registered site include paying a site fee; if you don't
pay it, and hit the ski tow, (for instance) your BHPA Liability
insurance is invalid - your arse is someone else's plaything for
the rest of your life, and we would all lose the privilege of free
flight at Hillend. If anyone can come up with a better way of collecting
the site fee and looking after the site then come and see us, but
the last time anybody got off their arse to do it, apathy ruled
and we ended up in the situation we're in - Parapente Ecosse does
all the work (and believe me, prising a fiver out of some peoples
sweaty little fists can be hard work) and cops all the grief for
making the effort, just so that you and any other pilot from all
over the world can fly there. Think how different your summer evenings
would be if Parapente Ecosse didn't bother with this site, and you
had to waste your precious flying time collecting site fees every
day, or whip up 60 -80 cards and get them out to the people that
fly there. Bear in mind also P.E. is doing much less training there
because we have another site that is much more student friendly,
so we could quite happily get rid of all the grief that this site
causes us by not administering it, cancelling the agreement with
Air Traffic Control, (which is between ATC and Parapente Ecosse)
and letting someone else make the effort. But, as we said, that's
been tried already. If you disagree with the farmer asking for money,
why not stand up for your principles - don't pay, and don't fly
there. It really is that simple. Don't ruin it for your mates and
all the other people from all over the world who might fly there
in the future by writing sulky letters - vote with your feet by
spending your £5 going somewhere else. If you know you will fly
there in 2001, and let's be honest, most of us have a pretty good
idea that we will, please, please, please help us look after your
site, and get the cheques in to us before January 31, 2001. If you
want the name of that dickhead, just call and we'll tell you, or
just come and see our copy of the letter.
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SOAP BOX Part 2: NON-RATED TANDEM PILOTS
There have been a few reports recently of pilots flying tandem
gliders when they don't hold a tandem rating. If you're tempted
to borrow a tandem to take your mate/family up then think very carefully
about it. The BHPA recently initiated a surcharge of £80 per year
for tandem rated pilots. The reason is that there are two outstanding
claims against the BHPA for tandem accidents, totalling £2 million.
If you're not rated, you're not insured and the relatives of anyone
whom you accidentally dispatch to their maker won't give a hoot
how good a friend you were, or how much your mate insisted you take
him for a flight. The landowners who have kindly given us permission
to use their land have been assured that everyone who flies their
site is fully licensed and insured. This is a major concern for
them, as they could in fact be held liable for an accident on their
land. If you are foolish enough to fly a tandem without the rating
then please don't be selfish enough to do so on a BHPA registered
site. If you own a tandem glider, don't lend it to someone who isn't
rated. It doesn't take long to do the tandem licence, and it doesn't
cost much money. It will take you the rest of your life to support
the family of someone you injure or kill. You don't have to do your
rating with us; but you have to do it. Show some respect for the
people you will have as passengers. One of the reports was of an
unqualified pilot tandem launching at Hillend, flying over the main
road and landing in a field we have expressly been asked NOT to
land in. Are we going to wait for someone like this to lose a site
for us before taking a stand? You choose. This is as much your sport
as this selfish pilot's.
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£5 - What does it buy?
2 pints of beer and a packet of crisps
A gallon of petrol
8 - 12 loaves of bread
8.4 euros
Lunch from a sandwich shop
A small bunch of flowers
A couple of magazines
35 cans of baked beans
A big bag of spuds
3 days of off peak bus tickets in Edinburgh
½ of f*%k all
A whole years flying at Hillend
87% of the way across the Skye bridge
A days flying at some southern sites
A really cool Christmas present from Another Planet
Which one is best value? Answers on a £5 note to the usual address.
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2000
